September 29, 2011 // Uncategorized

Entertainment fit for TV

Todays Catholic

I have some suggestions for any TV producers who may be open to ideas. With American Catholics numbering around 68 million, maybe there’d be a market for something that these parents can relate to — what do you think?

First up, in the genre of “American Pickers,” a  TV series that has hosts scouring garages, basements and barns for hidden treasure, I’m proposing something similar. I would call it “Slim Pickin’s.” In my made-up TV show, the hosts would simply go into the closets of mothers who have a lot of children. The challenge, of course, would be to find something to wear. As hosts hunt for clothes suitable to put on, the contestant mom might realize her (only) pretty new blouse is in her teenaged daughter’s closet. The host would refuse to enter there because his contract doesn’t allow for situations of high risk — and everyone knows that teenage girls’ closets are war zones. Moms across the United States would nod in familiarity while watching the show, feeling relieved that their experiences are normal.

Singles would be intrigued to find out that some people don’t own business casual clothes, or even a belt. Of course, “Slim Pickin’s” is a reality show.

Back-to-back with this might be another show for Mom — “Pick it Up.” In this show, hosts enter various children’s bedrooms and attempt to find, in the mess, an assortment of items — lunch money, the other shoe, a crumpled permission slip due yesterday, library books, a hairbrush or an escaped guinea pig. Then the children would pick things up, find the lost items and neaten the room, while mothers sat in comfy chairs with cups of hot tea and relax.  No, of course, this one is not a reality show. {{sigh}}

Others:

• “The Honeymooners” — This show would follow the carefree, happy life of a young Catholic couple beginning on their wedding day. It would run approximately nine months, depending on the estimated due date.

• “60 Minutes” — In this show, parents are timed. They have exactly one hour to awaken three kids, ages 5 and under, feed them, brush their teeth and dress them for Mass. Twists in the plot include random breakfast spills on church clothes and toddlers forgetting to use the potty before getting in the car. This show is an action adventure.

• “Moonlighting” — This would be a new twist to an old ‘80s favorite. Dad takes a second job to afford the sixth baby.

• “The Price is Right” — Dad gets a limited income and tries to negotiate essentials for his family — food, clothes and a basic education. A sequel — he gets a raise and tries to afford the new payments to the government because he is now in a higher tax bracket.

• “All in the Family” — One kid gets sick and well, you know …

• “Gunsmoke” —  It’s the wife’s sister’s wedding on the same day as an NFL playoff. Who will win?

• “What’s My Line?” — Parents stumble over answering questions like “Is there a Santa?” and “Where did I come from?”

You’ve heard of “Late Night With David Letterman”? Well how about  “Late night with (fill in your husband’s name)”?: This show, with a hidden camera, would chronicle the time dad spends past 12 a.m. with his newborn so his wife can get some rest. Sleep-deprived moms would enter their husband’s names to win a spot on the show. This is a documentary, with a purpose.

• “Battlestar Galactica” — What happens when a teen from a traditional Catholic family tries to sneak in the van for Mass wearing flip flops and shorts.

• And last but not least, “The Odd Couple” — Amidst the backdrop of a secular suburban neighborhood, a happily practicing Catholic husband and wife attend Mass regularly, treat each other with love and respect, hold rosary groups in their home and have fun together. They reject birth control and enjoy the children they are blessed with. Neighbors can’t figure out how or why these happy two … this “Odd Couple” … do it, until the end when they all convert and find their happiness, too.

I’m being silly, of course, but life can often be one entertaining situation after another. Being a good Catholic is serious stuff but approaching it with lightheartedness is a way to cope well and even find joy. Some people choose to ditch their TV for political purposes or bad programming. We can propose programming alternatives and change that of course. But we can also just turn off the TV. I say, with lives as entertaining as ours, who needs it?