March 20, 2025 // Diocese

Dr. Ray Guarendi Brings Wit, Wisdom to St. Mary in Avilla

Eric Peat

With a delivery that fluctuated between deadpan humor and honest counsel, Dr. Ray Guarendi brought every bit of his energetic insights from “The Doctor Is In” radio show to the Diocese of Fort Wayne-South Bend on Sunday, March 2.

Ray Guarendi of ETWN’s television program “Living Right With Dr. Ray” is seen in this undated photo. The clinical psychologist combines his sharp wit with his experience from raising 10 children to help Catholics become stronger and more loving partners, parents and people. TV-G — general audience. (CNS photo/courtesy ETWN)

As the finale to a guest speaker series, the Knights of Columbus Council No. 14214 welcomed Guarendi to St. Mary of the Assumption Catholic Church in Avilla for a talk entitled “Standing Strong as a Parent and Grandparent.” The evening began with Mass at 5:30 p.m. followed by the talk at 7 p.m. Approximately 100 people came to hear the wit and wisdom of Guarendi, a clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and national radio and television host on EWTN.

Guarendi began his talk with a humorous anecdote about his wife’s adult conversion to Catholicism and how he “took a week off work” for her first confession at age 39. “She struggled with confession,” Guarendi mused. “She understood the reasoning; she couldn’t get it through her head that when you go to confession, you’ve got to confess your own sins, not your husband’s. ‘Bless me, Father, Ray has sinned.’”

He then spoke of his own parenting journey as a Catholic father of 10 adopted children and how he has approached the common question of how to discipline kids.

“Parents say to me, this discipline thing is tough; give me a strategy so that I can discipline less. You want to discipline any kid less, do one thing: lower your standards. If they’re low enough, you don’t have to discipline at all. You discipline, dear people, because you love. … Discipline without love may be harsh. Love without discipline is child abuse.”

Guarendi highlighted the essential “perception of authority” that was modeled by his father, a high school dropout who “loved me desperately.” Children must know what will happen if they resist discipline, Guarendi said, and that their parents mean it. Once a child understands a rule and the corresponding consequence, parents must stand firm with a total cessation of every perk and privilege until this consequence can be carried out to its completion. Guarendi claimed that “gentle parenting,” in which parents negotiate consequences with their children or relent on promised penalties, is “a reflection of our culture’s abandoning of Christianity.”

Guarendi also warned those in attendance that they are up against a culture that has elevated a child’s self-esteem above the pursuit of virtue; a culture that wants to label children as “strong-willed,” “challenging,” or “difficult;” a culture that seeks to diagnose and medicate children reflexively.

“You want to raise a kid that’s godly and seeks God, you’re going to go against the culture,” Guarendi said. “You better know this.”

However, the evening contained plenty of lighthearted moments and animated storytelling. At one point, Guarendi offered a solution to middle-child syndrome: “Don’t have an odd number of kids. Got an odd number? Have another one, give one away, wipe out that middle spot.” He also joked with the grandparents present: “You grandparents are treacherous people, I’ve got to tell you, you are. You lurk. You lie in wait for us to have children who do to us what we did to you.”

At the conclusion of his talk, Guarendi fielded a handful of questions, and his closing comments homed in on the “number one issue” he faces with parents of the older generation: adult children who have left the Church. In an effort to free such parents of guilt, Guarendi posed a series of “yes” or “no” questions to the audience.

“Is there a God?” Guarendi asked. “Was Christ God? Was He sinless? Could He perform miracles? Did He have a perfect understanding of human nature?” He then paused and asked, “Could He get most people to follow Him? Oh, I see – you think you’re better at this than the God-man. Can you do a miracle? Can you even do a crummy card trick? Our Lord Himself couldn’t get most people to follow Him, folks. … My wife and I said we will never tie our peace to the adult decisions our kids make. We can’t. How can we? We can’t change them if they’re not going to be open to influence or reason.”

Mike Hudecek, who helped organize the speaker series as program director for the Knights of Columbus, said the theme of Guarendi’s talk was very relevant for today’s society.

“This is an important topic in our time, because the culture around us has gotten so far away from proper discipline and the ideals of faith, responsibility, and humility,” Hudecek said. “It seems with every generation over the last several decades that the culture has drifted further and further from the proper role of family and how good discipline builds up a family.”

Fellow Knight Adam Barton said he could relate to many of the domestic issues that Guarendi discussed, thanks to his own experience with troubled teens as a police detective.

“Dr. Ray commented that it is ridiculous to allow your teens to have a smartphone with unrestrained access to the internet,” Barton said. “I firmly agree and regularly see the issues that our young deal with due to the cellphone. As parents, we have to set moral rules and live by those rules in an unwavering manner.”

The Knights Council No. 14214 is scheduling a new speaker series for this coming fall.